She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
