I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
