yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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