i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
