I wannas sexs uuuuu
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
