Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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