3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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