just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize