I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
