She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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