He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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