Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
