She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
