I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
