I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
