Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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