His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Everyone says I win the strip club
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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