I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
