Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
