Me. At least after what I've been through.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
