So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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