Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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