i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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