according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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