i don't like sucking hair
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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