This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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