Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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