I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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