An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
