so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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