im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
