You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
