This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
