why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
