I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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