why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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