Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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