is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
