I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I want to fling myself into the sun
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
