I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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