The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
May the power of my ass compel you!!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
