How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
