He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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