I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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