do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
