he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
