Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I have grass duct taped all over my body
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize