You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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