Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
