one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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