Dual....:-)
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
