I feel like I'm in dance class right now
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
