HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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