singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
