You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
