eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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