theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
