i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
