I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I came so hard my ears popped.
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