it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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