its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
so much tequila, so little girl.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
