Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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