Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
