i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
