My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
