Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize