There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
