Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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