I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
