I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
