My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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