Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
